2005-08-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

actions speak louder than words will ever
days seem to be passing by so quickly. and each day seems to get better. i have had more reasons to be stronger than the previous. i am only willing to understand half the reason why i have become a joke to someone i use to love. i dont know how to define that topic anymore. i never knew what i had coming to me this summer and i never knew i could give my heart away. however i should of been smarter to know he had a girl to fall back on. so what was i? a rebound?! i dont regret anything ive ever done with him nor do i think he was a mistake. i still respect him and give him the benefit of the doubt. although it is sad to see a loyal guy like him turn out the way he is now. he wasnt who i met in the beginning of the summer and i cant look at him the same way. i cant live in the past and i cant change what has happened. i hope that someday he will realize that he went back to the girl that tried to change the person he is. i wish that there would be a day i would get an apology from him when he comes to the realization his g/f has no respect or consideration for others especially for another girl that has history with him. its hurtful to hear certain things but i dont grieve about it, have pity for myself or have any rude comments get into my head because i want to walk away the stronger person. i can handle it; its just pathetic how someone has to go out of their way to rub something in your face. if you didnt care for your old g/f anymore and you loved your new g/f with all your heart.. then why would it matter if u faced your old girlfriend? and why would you try to avoid any possible situations of an encounter face to face, why wouldnt you answer to heart to heart messages? and why would u walk away not ending up in good terms, when it was a mutual decision to be just friends? i wish i knew. the last remains of feelings? i know i still do.

i try to put a smile on my face everyday having some kind of hope he will find himself..the person i fell for... the person who had a mind of his own and was not whipped. since he decided he wanted to go back to his old g/f then i will be happy for him. i just wish i could find my contentment i use to have everyday. the happiness dan gave me. i wont turn my back to him nor will i be a bitch afterall the things that have been pushed my way. as long as i dont do anything negative towards him or her. i'm allset. i have become more confident in my choices. i knew what i wanted that night (All That Remains) and i was a 100% sure of myself that the person i was meant to be with was dan. if only he went i could of told him some last words. but they arent any good anymore.

i know now. but u will never know because u face me in silence and despite

Empathy